This story is real, it happened to me, or I happened to it, this is how important my 'books' are to me:
One time I was traveling 800 miles with 2 toddlers (mine) and I strategically stopped at a fast food restaurant (Burger King) where they had a playground for the monkeys (the toddlers) to wiggle on
. . . and brought in a book I was dying to keep reading (The Perfect Storm) . . . so first we take a potty break (diapers, pull-ups . . . hands . . .) you know that routine and I accidentally, not-on-purpose left the book somewhere in there (the ladies' room). . .
____flash forward 5 minutes______
I am standing in line waiting to order when it hits me - my freaking book is missing!!! I holler, drag the babies back in the women’s room as two fat ladies exit . . . no book . . .I get behind them in line and I hear them whispering
. . . I am telling the kids, somebody stole my book! So I ask the fat ladies,
"Did you see anybody take a book in the ladies’ room"?
"Oh no, no" they say as they look nervously at each other.
I look over and fatty number two has a suspiciously rectangular solid form in the area where her belly should be!
#*%&&
So I look right at her, point at her tummy (my book) and say -
"IS THAT MY BOOK, IT IS CALLED 'THE PERFECT STORM'?”
She looks away, gets her food from the counter . . . and walks away.
I loudly discuss with my children that thieves will have judgment from God or Karma in their lives and that they will never be happy because they are carrying such black guilt for what they have done . . .
I see the fatty with the rectangular object (my book) hidden on her belly go into the ladies’ room . . . then they leave.
I run in there and
******what do you think was in the wastebasket?****
- my freaking book!!!!
I was so excited! I finished that book, which was great AND I made that fat idiot feel like crap enough that she gave something back (even if she couldn't face me to do it)!!!!
Note: I have been fat, some of my family is fat, so don’t make any “oh, you said FAT” comments. They were FAT/overweight/chunky/obese and that is a description.
They did not, however, have bunheads (which is related to a future posting).